While I’m bored

Hello, beautiful people,

As I lay here preparing myself to go to sleep, my mind races at things I forgot to do today.

You see, on Thursday I have two quizzes and a three to five minute French presentation on medical research being done in Senegal (yes, all in French) to give before I go fall asleep in ecology and evolution class. It is just so easy to me, and the instructor goes through every single little boring detail that I learned in middle school.  . . . . . honestly 😒😴

My last two courses (languages and cultures and Eco and Evo) make me want to cry my eyes out. 😱

But, then we get back to the problem of me not being able to cry. 😒 

Mostly what goes through my mind when I become bored is a fading image of where I want to be in five years.

Europe is the most clear part of it, but when I see myself, I don’t know if I have a husband yet, or no. I don’t know if I see kids, or puppies. 😕 

Don’t get me wrong here, I love dogs! I love puppies so much! But they get old and they die in like 15 years. I want babies to be in the picture. But I won’t have babies without a husband. Those two are exclusive to me. One does not go without the other.

But both of those things are going to happen in Europe. (not necessarily with a European man) I am going to raise my babies in a bilingual or multilingual locale. 

In my short life of 23 years, I have met very many people that speak more than one or two languages and I am always amazed at their intelligence and humility about their intelligence and multilingual abilities. It inspires in me a desire to raise my bsbies in Belgium where they will be taught Dutch and or French in school and I will always teach them English along with whatever other languages I can acquire before I have my babies. 😘👶🏼💜

I would like to get married as soon as I can (biological clock screaming at me to have babies) , but I don’t want to rush into a relationship with someone and regret it twenty-five or thirty or more years later. 

I know that I am young and I have the next six and half years before I want to be married and with my two babies, the logical side of me is completely and fully aware that I should not be impatient and I should just let God take his time in my life. But, I don’t want to have to worry about it anymore. I don’t want to have to think about it anymore. I want to have my life did out before me now that I know which career field I am hoping to enter. 

I think I need to go to sleep now, my brain is struggling to keep on going. 

Bonsoir, mes amours! 😘😘💜

Whomp, there it is!

Hey! Please tell me that at least  SOME of you got that song reference. 😉

Haha. It’s an old song . . . a really old song. :p
I won’t be that upset if nobody gets it. 🙂

The phrase, the lyric,  is very symbolic for me. To me, it is so more than just a song. To me, it’s my life happening right before my eyes, through only the grace of my Creator, Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

When I say that ‘my life is happening right before my eyes’, I do not intend to say that I have no active part in it. I am definitely involved very heavily in what is happening in my life. A part of me, more than that, a part of God is in complete control over the goings-on in my life, and I feel like I am simply playing a role in a play, like a puppet, moving and acting as commanded by Him and Him only.

I am watching and paying close attention to the way people interact with me, and I’m watching how my simple gestures mean more than intended for some, too much for others, and not quite enough for the rest. I am watching bonds become formed solidified and broken in my life, and some of them meant, currently mean or will mean very much to me in the future.

I am seeing relationships form that could largely impact my life in the next three weeks, three months, three years and even possibly the next three (plus, hopefully?) decades.

As I prepare to become fully independent of my parents, I am realizing how much actually goes into a regular budget. Housing, transportation and food cost so much more than I had ever realized, even after renting my own apartment for two years! I have seen how impactful the salary and benefits of a job is to the livelihood of myself and my  family firsthand. I think that I realize now how hard it is to be a successful adult. . . I am just not sure that I’m ready for all of it yet. That’s part of the reason I am going to graduate school. . . . to defer my loan repayment just a little while longer.

While I have been watching myself and my actions, I’ve noticed a few things about what I need to improve on. I need to work on my professionalism and my etiquette in professional settings.  I like to be easily relatable, but sometimes, that just doesn’t work for professional settings.

If I am going to be the secretary of a Diplomat in Switzerland (as is my current career/life  goal and hope) , I am going to have to become much better at how I speak (both in French and in English) to my colleagues. To begin, I am hoping to make over $40,000/ year, and hopefully live with a room mate to lessen the burden of rent. As a recent graduate with a master’s degree in diplomacy, I think that is a reasonable goal. Sure, I will struggle, but let’s be honest. Struggle has never stopped me before.

As I wrote in my most recent post, I believe that I am going to be a diplomat somewhere in Europe. I’m not sure what my place is going to be [I am always searching for my place in the world], but I feel that it is somewhere in Europe with two babies and my husband, whom I have probably not yet made acquaintance with.

After I finish my Bachelor’s degree this winter, I will be less afraid of what my future has for me. Because before I got this diplomat idea, I was entirely clueless as to where life could be possibly taking me next. Now I have a more clear idea and I still get to travel!! Though it will just be for business and through work. :p

Oh well! I still get to see the world! I will probably even get paid some form of money for it. 🙂 Honestly, I can accomplish all of those things on top of living in foreign language speaking countries and writing a book about my TBI recovery, I will be more accomplished than I have ever imagined before! Think about it! I will be a survivor,  author, diplomat, wife, mother and mulitilinguist! Maybe I will cut something out, maybe I won’t be a diplomat. Maybe my husband will do that and I will just be all of those other things. Hmmm . . .

I already am a survivor, nobody can ever take that away from my self-identity. I am determined to be an author and wife and mother. Those three things, I feel I have been called to do. I feel that those three adjectives describe all that I have ever wanted to be more than I have ever wanted anything else.

So, ‘Whomp there it is’ that is my intention for the next part of my life.

I’m going to stop rambling now, I hope that I said something even slightly insightful here.

~Alexandra Mae

xoxo

This is what happens

Hello my lovely readers,

I would like to share with you some of my thoughts on becoming an adult. 

First of all, it’s terrifying. But it is truly not that bad. It’s just so fast! 

I feel like I just got home from high school two days ago and now I’m almost done with college. I know how all of it happened, I remember all of it happening, I just don’t see how time could have elapsed so quickly and now I’m expected to become an adult and handle my own in the big bad world. . . . All I have to stay is that I am going to boldly go forward as I have been commended by my Lord Jesus. 

Not only Jesus pushes me forward, society pushes me forward. As I study and  do my best to complete college, society tells me do find a job, make some money, gay married (to whomever I choose; male or female) and have exactly two babies. 

Well, I intend to do just that. Except, my intentions are to do that while traveling the big oblongly circularish shaped thing that we live on. 

I am not a very needy person. At least I like to tell myself that. I just need a few people to interact with regularly or on occaision and some food to eat every few hours. A place to shelter me from weather would be nice, but it’s not absolutely necessary for me to survive.

I detest the idea of money, so that is certainly not why I am looking to get ineligible the international diplomacy career. I’m more interested in this field because I love the world, I love every single aspect of life and I passionately feel that someone ought to let the world know that we will do better as a species if we just love and look out for each other. That’s all I feel I was made to do. 

In my life (before the TBI) I had an obsession with history. I feel that I loved history because I like to see how people best lived together in harmony. I like to see what steps can be taken to bring harmony bask into our diplomatic and  international relations. I also have always had a love, unlike that of most others, for all people. I believe very strongly that I have loved history and others throughout my life so that I can help teach others through the history of international and interpersonal relations how we can work better together than apart. I’ve just been unsure of how to pull all of those passions together (for a career) until now. 

I believe that my sincere love for all people and my love of studying how people best interact together makes me the perfect choice for a career within international government.

I just have to keep this mindset as I interact with people in the duration of my undergraduate and even during my graduate studies. 

I also have to study more in depth about our current state of affairs and diplomatic relations with countries in the area in which I intend to work and begin to act in more of a professional manner with those around me as I complete my both of degrees. 

I see now where I am being taken with all of my different loves and passions. I will fulfill my purpose to the best of my ability. 

So, this is what happens as I realize why I have been saved from a tragic and traumatic death in 2010. I see now His purpose for creating and sustaining me.

With all of my love, I say goodbye for now. I hope to be back soon. But, I have so much work to do now!!

Sincerely, 

~Alexandra Mae

ahhhh, what comes next?

Hey folks, I just did something that I never thought was actually coming. I have literally worked for my whole entire life to have the ability to say that I did what I just did.

This might seem ridiculous and perhaps petty to some of you readers out there, but I just applied for graduation from college.

In the past week or so, I have been in contact with a graduate school in New England (USA) for a master’s degree in the art of negotiations (probably in International Commerce or International conflict Management [Diplomacy]). The program supposedly takes between 18 months and 24 months to complete, but I’m sure that even 24 months (two years) is going to be a really difficult timeline for me to manage efficiently. I am often a slow learner and it takes me quite a while to fully comprehend something in my ‘squirrely’ little head. Haha.

Maybe that’s just a funny thing (to be squirrely) in my family. Let me explain; to be ‘squirrely’- is to not pay attention very well and be easily distracted by any variety of things.

Now, I will get to the point of my post. . . . I am terrified.

I have a plan, but I have absolutely no idea where God intends for me to go in my life. I will start with talking about my plan, that might give me some ideas as to where He wants me in life;

I am finishing a degree in French language and cultures this winter, then I am hopefully beginning a master’s degree program in diplomacy. Those will be my starting points. While I am completing my master’s thesis and degree, I will probably work either at a coffee shop in the town of my Dad’s job, or at a laundromat in my hometown. Either way, I will be saving loads of gas by being dropped off by one of my parents (my Dad if I work near his workplace, probably my Mom if I work in my town) and that will make their lives so much easier, saving on gasoline and not having to worry about me behind the wheel.

After I graduate, I intend to continue to live with my family for a little while, this house will always be my home base, then I will be looking to move to Ireland, Switzerland, Belgium, Spain, Germany or France. Maybe living here at home won’t be so rough for me after my degrees are finished. It is definitely better than living away from my family (say my parents) because now they have a better idea of what is going on in my life. Plus, now I can help out around the house much more and relieve my Momma of having to do so much work around the house on top of her full-time job and running my youngest sister around.

Ireland is my first choice, because of my family heritage and because I fell in love with the country when I was last there. . . My heart has not forgotten, and never will. After Ireland, I could see myself working with French speaking colleagues in Switzerland, Belgium, or France and if I am able to learn enough Spanish or German . . those countries are on the table as well. 🙂 I just really have to get better at French before I even attempt to learn any more languages! . . . But, that is extremely difficult to do when all you are constantly surrounded by in your home country is English and there is no way of speaking entirely in French on a regular basis.

So, because I live in an almost strictly English speaking country, I will have to stay in contact with my few French/French speaking friends as I prepare to learn more languages.

After I finish my degree, while I am working at the coffeeshop or laundromat, I will be teaching myself German and Spanish on this wonderful little app called Duolingo. I have about eleven languages loaded into the app that I want to learn. After I have a little money to spare, I intend to purchase a linguistics book and teach myself about linguistics.

Once I have a better understanding of linguistics, it will be much easier for me to learn more languages. I sincerely love languages. I love being able to converse with people from all around the world! I love the cultures of people that speak other languages as well. I love the food of said other cultures. I love food. I love food very much. I love people.

I’m sure that whatever He has in the plans for my life involves food and people. Maybe I will be a café owner in one of those countries. Maybe I will own a restaurant. Maybe my future has something to do with preparing the dinner menus for international banquets for governmental banquets at different kinds of government meetings (summits) in Europe. All that I am truly sure of is that I belong in Europe. Where I end up in Europe depends on a small list of things; the first of which is where I can find a stable job. I’m sure that with degrees in French and international conflict management or international commerce diplomacy, that will be no problem at all, but who knows?! Maybe it will prove to be a problem.

The other thing that my move to Europe depends on is a relationship (marriage) that I am nowhere even close to yet. I will be heavily influenced by my husband on where I want to live. His career might make the decision on what career I end up with.

Of course, I will know a variety of languages, so I will probably be able to tutor for English or perhaps French or another language after I can comprehend linguistics better. Ideally, I will be able to use my degrees and work in a French speaking country (like Switzerland or Belgium) and whoever I marry will also have a job similar to mine in that country.

I have a very slight crush on someone right now that I think would be perfect to end up with, but my crushes are often very unrealistic, and I would much rather just quietly be his friend than ruin everything because of a slight unrealistic crush.

Honestly, I have a crush on just about everyone that I know . . . Maybe I know too many beautiful and incredible young men . . . But with this guy, it’s different. I sincerely enjoy being his buddy, and I would hate to say something that would ruin our friendship. But, sometimes I feel (ever so slightly) that he might be intrigued by me as well. But, I am always imagining things about guys that I’m interested in, so I’m just going to ignore it and let it happen if it happens. I’m sick of ruining friendships because I feel (ever so slightly) that my guy friends are into me. I’m just going to keep my mouth shut here and quietly hope that he feels the same way.

Why do all of my posts always end up being about a young man that I’m interested in? My life is too busy to be worrying about them right now. I just need to finish my degree and move on with my life.

Bonne chance, tout le monde!!

Je t’aime beaucoup!!

~Alexandra Mae

❤

My place

Hey folks!

I come to you now with my tail between my legs, thoroughly embarrassed, red in the face, and entirely modestly. 

The group of international students and mentors from this college have apparently complained about me being overbearing and while I understand completely, I just want them all to have the best possible experience in America while they are here. 

I would be a little hurt that nobody would talk to me and this, but someone has. I just did not take that person as seriously as I should have when he told me to chill. 

I have only been trying to provide these students with a means to accomplish all of this goals while they are here. I guess I whist been ‘in their faces’ too much. I think that I need to meet with my Spanish professor friend and tell about this, because all of the other mentors are apparently annoyed with me as well, so I can’t really go to them.  😕

I feel such immense guilt that is been too overbearing. I sincerely want to help everyone and give them a good experience in the U.S. but, I have not been careful enough with letting them have their own fun. 😕

I have class in about forty minutes, and I will have other stuff keeping me occupied for almost the whole day, but I don’t know how to apologize to all of these beautiful people. I don’t want to annoy them with posting again, but I want to make sure everyone gets my apology. 

I feel so bad, I could just break down in tears. I would hate to be the one to ruin this experience for everyone. 😟

I need to find my place in the group again. . . I mean, I know that my title is mentor, but I need to find my social place in the group. I feel so rotten. 😳

I am continually praying that I find a place to be comfortable and happy with all of these wonderful people. 

May blessings flow into all of your lives. 

My love,

~Alexandra Mae

So much fun to be had!!!

Hello, beautiful readers. 

I am home for the first time in what feels like forever. 

But actually, I was home last four days ago  and I actually stopped by for a little bit yesterday to shower and pick up some clothing. 

This group of international students and local mentors is so amazing!!! 

I am loving it! 

It’s Sunday now and on Thursday and Friday nights, I was the DD (designated driver) for the 21(+) year old goers out. Yesterday was probably the best out of all the days/nights we’ve spent together (in my opinion) because there was no alcohol involved while I was there. We had a picnic at the soccer field accross from where a bunch of the students and other mentors live. I live at home with my parents and siblings forty five minutes away from the school. 

I like good, clean fun like we had last night. I wish that other people saw it that way as well, but I’m happy to be the DD when they decide to have fun. I just don’t want to have to do that alllll the time. 

Don’t get me wrong! I mean, I am perfectly okay with not drinking alongside  everyone else, but I don’t like staying up until 3:00 or 4:00 in the morning making sure people are back to their apartments safely. My body does not like doing that and waking up at 8:00 in the morning (as my body insists on doing). 

If I had enough money, I would stay in a hotel on Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights. However, I am just farrrr too poor to do something as extravagant as that!

I think that my friend from ages ago might be able to give me a place to sleep a few nights a week as long as I tend to the house needs. My main problem is that I’ll need gas money to get there and back from the university and my house. Plus, I might need to drive all the way to my hometown for a job on Friday each week. Maybe I’ll only stay at his place if I don’t work on a Friday. My life is almost entirely consumed by school and this international group! Oh, but I wouldn’t change it for the world!  

I really love spending time with these people. 💜 I’m just too delicate (or old or something) to drink as much as they do. 😒 I just wish that we could all stay sober and just have fun together. 💋 The 12 or so other mentors and I are all trying to plan good sober fun to have together (bowling, physical activities, game nights, movie nights, etc.) and I think that it might just work. 🙃 

We’ve begun a prospective calendar of events that all people (under and over 21) can take part in together, but the hard part now is actually trying to stick to it and make it happen.

Wish us luck as we try and show these wonderful foreigners a great time. 💋💋

Xoxo 

Peace and Prosperity 

~Alexandra Mae

Internationals

Hello, beautiful readers!

Today is a beautiful day! This semester, my last semester of a full schedule of classes, is going to be delightful, yet challenging. I say all of this because of a variety of reasons; first, today IS going to be a beautiful day, second because I made about 30-40 new friends last week, but I will get into that later, third because I’m feeling very good about all of my classes this semester.

Last Thursday, the last Thursday of my last summer as an undergrad, was the introduction of approximately 25 mentors to said international students (mentees) for the first time. 

In the past week, I’ve been spending as much time as I possibly can with my new friends from China, France, Germany and  Brazil among a few other countries. This Friday, my parents have agreed to let me have all of these wonderful people over for a pool party. ☺️ I believe that most of them will be coming, with only the exception of those who do not feel well or those that have plans elsewhere. 

It brings me sheer joy to host a party with my new international friends. 💃🏽👙💜

I invited all of them over to stay the night, I think my house will have enough room, but I believe some of my friends have decided to go back to their apartments on Friday night and skip breakfast made by my parents. This makes me sad, but oh well. Life shall go on. 😏 

My perogative was to make everyone feel welcome and comfortable in my (their foreign) country and state. I truly hope that I have accomplished my mission and all of them feel more than comfortable and more than warm fuzzies when they think of their experience in the United States or America. I hope that they always feel they can come back to my state and pop in for a quick hello. 🙃

As long as most or all of the internationals feel that way, I will be content.

Unfortunately, I am also trying to babysit three times each week and make a littl bit of money in the spare time that I’ve created for myself. Having class only two days each week might prove to be much more challenging than it may seem. I guess only time will tell how difficult this will be. 

I’ve spoken to a few of the ladies about this pool party and how I’m doing at making everyone feel welcomed and appreciated. Apparently, I’m not doing so bad!!! 🙃 I’m just stressing out right now because the pool has not been cared for appropriately this summer, so it doesn’t look the most inciting. But, my mother has taken every possible step to assure me that the pool will look great after tonight. 😘👙🎉 I’m anxious, but still hopeful and excited to see how this goes. I’m also praying that the pool is able to be whipped into shape. 

Regardless of whether or not the pool looks spectacular, my friends of other nations and of my college are bringing alcohol and music, so . . . We are bound to have loads of fun. ☺️

I’m getting to the point in my excitement now that I’m just remnbling about nothing in particular, so I’m going to stop now and see how things are with my Momma and her plans to fix up the pool. 

Tout mon cœur. 💜

~Alexandra Mae

XoXoXo