Is it weird . . . ?

Is it weird that I just want my face to be touched, to be caressed, so badly right now?

I know that usually my posts are more about things other than the heart and it’s longings, (or are they… 😏) but right now, since my seizures, I care so much less about anyone else’s opinion of me. I’m happy and comfortable with the woman that I am, and I just couldn’t care less if anyone has anything to say about it.

(Oh yeah, I had a few seizures about a week ago, just as I accepted a new position at a PreSchool in a YMCA in central Pennsylvania, I almost forgot to mention that)

As an adult that deals with a few dozen developing children brains on a week-daily basis, I am brought back to the very basis of mature thought and understanding on a daily basis. This helps my brain to remember the important things in life and what others think of me just really isn’t one of them. What is important is that I feel that what I do, who I am, is good and just and fair. I almost don’t even care what the PreSchoolers and my coworkers think of me.

*Let me take a break right here and say that I really do care what my coworkers think of me. Their approval and cooperation is vital in the success of my career. I would also like to accentuate that I am not being careless about the public’s opinion of me, I’m just confident in the caliber of person I am and my good standing in society.*

Let’s put it like this: I know that God loves me for the goodness and pureness if my heart, I don’t think too much of the need for high opinions of people, even the people that I regularly interact with.

I’m coming out of the last stages of my brain injury and I am realizing that I am whoever I am and nothing can make me different except for myself. I don’t mind the opinions of others, I don’t need approval and I can just continue with how i behave towards others with confidence that who I am is a good and well brought up woman, who is also deeply loved by God. I know that how I live is good. My heart is content with that.

It might be weird that I wish to be caressed, to be loved affectionately, but it is not wrong and it is nothing to be ashamed of.

I hope that all of my readers are doing well in their lives, I hope all of you are as content and at peace with your lives as I find myself right now.

Tout de ma cœur. 💋💋

Marcelle . . . ‘mon amie’ featuring Lille, France

After requesting that my friend in Lille, France help me with my presentation, featuring her city, Lille France she provided me with a lot of useful information to base my presentation based from!
Sorry for the poor image.

“Ok so for fun activities in Lille;

“There is a market every Sunday in the Vieux Lille and Wazemmes, people of all walks of life come there are you can buy a nice roasted chicken. The products are all regional and artisanal and people are proud to support local farmers.”

“There is the zoo, which is free, a big difference compared to other cities. As soon as we have a little bit of sun, we go out to the Citadelle which is a gem of biodiversity and architecture in the middle of the city.”

“We have the Gare Saint Sauveur that has free expositions of art and culture, you can also attend concerts there.”

“We have a really good concert hall, called Grand Mix in Tourcoing. It is special because even though it is really small, cool bands come through there! That’s because Lille is on the road between London, Paris and Brussels.”

“For eating, there are many, many restaurants and there is an old street in Vieux Lille called Rue de Gand. This is an entire street of restaurants and bars, most of which are quite good!”

“Every year we have the Braderie de Lille, the biggest flea market in Europe. 2 million converge on the city, which is entirely closed to cars for the weekend. A smaller festival is Festival de la Louche d’or, which is a big soup competition. It is free for the public to taste all the soups!”

 

Marcelle also provided her personal favorite aspects of Lille:

“I love that festival because everybody comes and has fun and unwinds.”

“What I love about Lille, is that even if it is a small city, there is always something to do, somewhere to go, somebody to meet. People are warm and welcoming, a typical trait of the Nord Pas de Calais region. Everybody I know who has come to live here has made many friends and we love to help each other out, there is a lot of solidarity in the city.”

“Life is also quite affordable in Lille compared to other cities. There are also few big buildings, the city center is mostly old houses with some interesting architecture. We build our homes and shops and offices into these old buildings.”

After mentioning my desire to one day move to Lille, the city that captured my heart, Marcelle said “They are always looking for English speakers here!”, encouraging my hope of one day moving to France.

 

The rest of my summer

Hey folks!

It’s the 5th of July and I’m still a bit confused as to how I’m going to spend the rest of my summer. I got back from a month in France about two weeks ago (I feel so classy, saying that, but I’m really just in bigger debt now) and my parents have given me good reason not to work for the rest of the summer. But, I intend to volunteer somewhere in or near my hometown for the rest of the summer.

The ideal spot for me to volunteer is a library near my town, the library in my town (my preference) or maybe a garden near my town.

Unfortunately, the library is overstaffed and I would not be able to volunteer there until this (fall) semester during my last semester of undergraduate courses. Now, because my life goal is to become a librarian, I feel that it is well worth it for me to volunteer at the library in the fall semester. However, after I complete that semester, I will probably be working full time somewhere that I can find benefits along with a full-time income.

Of course, it’s ideal for me to work IN my town, so that I can take my siblings to school, but I’m not sure how attainable that goal is. There are several places looking for full time employees in my hometown, so I might find luck with one of them, but I’m still unsure of that. So, I’m looking into joining up with Americorps. for the first year after I graduate from college. 🙃 Americorps. is a full time government job (benefits, and all!) so I’m pretty excited about that possibility.

In fact, it’s probably going to happen. I have an interview with my local Americorps. representative on Thursday afternoon to discuss more about me and why I belong in Americorps. ☺️

I’m pretty stoked! This is a government job, . . . minimal pay, but still. ! ! It’s a great way to possibly get involved in Nonprofit organizations in my future!

. 😃 I could give books away to less fortunate children and adults! 😃

I still want to end up as a librarian somewhere in Ireland, but this is a fantastic start to my getting there! 🙃

Just think . . . I spend 3 or 4 years expanding my network (volunteering/nonprofit work) in the states, I’ll make some money, make some friends in Ireland during my demi-annual (semi? every other/once every 2 years is what I mean) summer trip there and I’ll be off to Ireland before I know it! All I need to do is follow through with my crazy unrealistic and idealistic dreams! I just have to believe in myself all the way through the Atlantic Ocean to Ireland and . . . bam! . . . Dreams realized. 😘🇨🇮💜

All that I need to do is finish strong and work really hard with Americorps. after college to set myself up for librarianship in Ireland.    📚☘💋

Hah . . . I make it sound like it’s going to be super easy for me to do, but in reality, I am going to struggle through my last semester of college and I’m going to have to rapidly change my lifestyle after college in order to fit into America’s workforce. But, I can promise that all of this hard work during college is going to be so well worth it once I get into the professional world and start preparing to move to Ireland.

Once I get to Ireland, I promise, every single experience that I’ve had in my life will suddenly come full circle to be entirely worth it (if not essential) for me to have had. As I finish up paying off debts and preparing to move to Ireland, I am going to publish my book about recovering from Traumatic to Catastrophic Brain Injury and I will be working full time at a library near to where my parents live in order to cut living expenses. But, once I’ve paid off college debt and gathered enough for permanent residence in Ireland, I am definitely living there!

I’m not moving to Ireland to escape anything in the United States, I just belong there. That’s what my heart told me when I traveled there eight years ago with People to People, a recently disbanded student ambassador organization commenced by Dwight D Eisenhower a few decades ago. My friend could attest to the fact that I was glowing with joy and pure content when I was there before. He remembers it well. ☺️

I repeat. I am not escaping anything in the US, I am just following my calling. I belong in Ireland. I can not explain it, I could not tell you how I know, or why I belong there. But, that is where I belong.

The more I talk about it, (type it) the more I feel the truth in my heart. Ireland is my home, even though I met not have a home there yet. Ireland is my home.

With all of that, I’m going outside to help my Dad in the yard. I will hopefully be back sometime this summer! 😘😘

All of my love,

Alexandra Mae 💜

XoXo

Oh my gooodness, this is fun!

Ohhhh, my dear readers. . . . I am free. No obligations until I leave for Europe!

*in my head that means I’ll do yoga like 13 hours of each day. That’s all but four hours that I am generally awake for in any given day.

You see, every single night is a Friday night for me until I go to visit my friends in England. Then it’s a Friday night for about ten days, then every night will be like a Sunday or Monday night because I’ll have class about six days a week.

Haha. Wow, this summer is going to be the best summer that I’ve had in a very, very, very long time . . . I’m looking at working at a café in my college town, or hometown, or near-ish to my home on weekdays and possibly working at a travel agency on weekends, depending on how life works out . .  . . . .  . . I’m going to visit old friends, I’m going to expand my little knowledge of one of the most beautiful languages I’ve ever heard,  and I am going to be saving SOOOOOO much money by living with my folks. ;P
I really don’t like to call my parents that, it makes me feel like I am old and like I’m calling them old . . .

Today was my first ‘free’ day after my semester because I was busy with a final exam/essay and french redactions (essays) yesterday. So, today I went into town and I printed my résumé and handed it to the coffee shop that I really, really, really want to work at after my trip this summer and on my days off from class next semester and after I graduate from college in December (maybe/possibly/hopefully), but that’s getting WAY ahead of myself. I’m going to be extremely blessed to get tomorrow, next week, my trip to Europe, or next month let alone the next phase of my life after college. So many things could go wrong between now and when I leave for Europe. I should try to set up plans, as I have, and just pray that I’m able to continue on to fulfill and ‘seize’ them! #carpédiem

As I wrote in my About Me (Sur Moi), my family motto is “to live is to conquer” and I should really stop taking it for granted that I have been saved by Christ to live this beautifully complicated life that I have. I have lived, despite all reasoning, and I have conquered by doing so. Now, I don’t know what is next for me, but God always puts His chosen ones through struggle as He did with Jacob,  Ruth, Saul, David, Job, Judas and Peter. All of those notoriously strong and devout people of God (hosen by Him) suffered immensely in literal, physical and/or emotional pain.

While, yes it may be argued that I have struggled enough for one person, none of those people only had one experience of struggle, especially as short of a struggle as mine was. I only truly struggled physically/mentally/socially and emotionally for about three years. Some of His people suffered for several decades. What makes me exempt from the suffering of His trials? I do not intend to say that I am (or that I probably ever will be) as good and or  holy as any of the aforementioned Divinely chosen people, I just acknowledge that God wants to use me for something. I don’t know what it is, but I don’t think He is going to let me get too old (forgetful) before I do whatever it is that He wants done.

I have a feeling that He wants to use me as an example to future Traumatic Injury Victims and their families, .  .and there’s something else, . . . . . . . but I honestly have no clue what it is. I am so incredibly happy to meet other survivors of Traumatic Injuries and I absolutely loveeee connecting my family with theirs, and talking to their family members about how I felt in certain situations or phases of recovery to help their loved ones understand the situation from a Traumatic Injury survivor’s perspective. So, that’s probably definitely part of my calling. Honestly, I will be okay with not knowing the other part of my purpose, or even if there is another part to my purpose.

I sincerely don’t mean to be obnoxious here, but I have always felt that I was special in some way (not the mentally challenged way) because of how easily I can connect with absolutely anyone . . of any age. At current, my biggest struggle in many scenarios is language and the inability to comprehend and or respond to languages that I am unfamiliar with. . . . Haha, I also have a hard time with some people that are extremely shy. Because of my extremely extroverted personality some people immediately write me off as one of those rude snobby girls that doesn’t actually care, she just pretends to care. . . Once I can convince them of my genuine care, I don’t really have such a hard time. But, there are a few people, now and then, who don’t get that I genuinely care and they generally don’t want to hear it anyway, which makes me very sad. But, as my Momma always told me . . “You can’t be EVERYONE’S  friend all the time.” I learned that not all people want me to be their friend. 😥

As the French say “C’est la vie.” (“Such is life”) and I’ve learned to move on.

But, most people don’t mind me wanting to be their friend, or even reciprocate that desire entirely!

Oh, I love people! I love them as a whole. I love them individually! I love the gifts each one of us has been granted and I love it when people know their gift and aren’t afraid to share it with the world. ❤ I love it when people give themselves time to discover their personal gift(s) and learn how to properly share with others. Those people are the best leaders. The world needs more of those people.

Well, that’s enough rambling for me tonight, loves.

Jusqu’à la prochaine fois!

De tout mon Cœur! :*

~Alexandra Mae

XoXo