No offense to some of you. . . .

Hey folks! So, I seem to be going through men like toilet paper lately and I’m really sick of getting my heart all wrapped up in someone just to be ghosted over and over again by those interests.

Lately I always have some kind of drama going on with young men. It’s exhausting. The funny thing is that I don’t even really want a boyfriend or man in my life right now. I’m still trying to get out of Snyder County and just move on with my life from this area of the country.

As I might’ve said before, I believe that I’m actually a city girl, raised in the middle of nowhere, Pennsylvania.

I just need to cut all ties with guys in this area and just be by myself . . . somewhere else for a while at least. 😜

Don’t get me wrong, this area is a beautiful place to live in and it’s very safe in comparison to any other city, but that’s maybe what makes me so bored… nothing exciting or interesting ever really happens in Selinsgove.

But, that’s not what I came to WordPress to talk about or say. I came here to tell y’all that men suck. All of the men (or almost all) that I’ve met or known in the last ten years have left a very bad impression of your genetic kind.

Of course, there are exceptions… my Poppa and brother, among about 5 others (3 of which are or were just trying to get in my pants) 😒 have hurt or offended me and I now have a bad taste in my mouth for all of you.

Sorry, I’m not sorry for being suspicious of you all until I see that your intent is definitely not purely sexual.

Not to offend, but I don’t trust y’all anymore. You guys have proven to me that I shouldn’t trust you.

With this, I leave for the night.

Goodnight!!

💜 Aly Mae

Effects of the TBI

Howdy folks!!

I’m sitting here in my room, overthinking life . . . . as usual. 😂

Nothing new for me.

But what is most on my mind is Joseph, the young man that I spent New Year’s Eve with a few days ago (btw, WELCOME TO THE NEW DECADE!!) and have since messaged to death about anything and everything on my mind.

This is how it usually goes with me: girl meets boy, girl and boy go on a few really lovely dates, girl messages the crap out of boy, boy is scared and wants nothing to do with girl, girl feels dumb for having such intense and pathetic social anxiety when it comes to men.

That’s where I’m at right now.

I’m just feeling very disappointed with myself. I mean, I know this is a problem with me, I just can’t help myself! I really love having the attention of a man and when I get it, I have a hard time understanding that said man has other things he needs to do with his time that don’t include responding to my every message and making sure I feel admired and appreciated.

I’m 26, where the heck did the socially capable, confident and wonderful 17 year old me go? I was irrefutable, so fun to be around, so cute and so much less awkward than my 26 year old self. That damn brain injury has messed my head up so much that I hardly even think before I speak anymore, especially when I’m having a good time and with someone I’m attracted to. I don’t even know what to do with myself, to be honest.

Joseph has been after me for about 14 months, we’ve been on 2 dates before this past New Year’s Eve and I went and screwed everything up within the last 18 hours. 😣

What the hell is wrong with me?

Ugh, I’m just so mad at myself. I need to stop being an idiot and just grow up, realizing that every word spoken to a man I’m interested in has to be well thought out and spoken.

Jeeze, I feel like an idiot right now.

Damn TBI.

Um, so that’s all I have to say.

I’ll be back when I have something else to share or vent about.

With all of my love and pathetic hopelessness,

Aly Mae 😘💋💋

It’s all just too much

Hey folks.

I’m feeling pretty discouraged right now.

So as much as I wanted to go to California, I could never make it there financially. It’s all just too much. But for some reason, I feel like Boston is the only other place to go with for my UX career. I just desperately need to find a decent apprenticeship out there that I can get accepted to, then just go.

I have finally learned to not let a man that I’m interested in stand in my way. I’ve decided to bail on the guy I was seeing because we just want different things in life and I can’t let that get in the way of my career.

It’s just Boston is so damn expensive!!! Not as bad as California, but oh my goodness, I’m not sure how I’ll make it out there !!

I mean… there is this guy who is literally (not practically, but literally) begging me to move in with him. I just don’t get a good vibe from him. I mean, he’s cute and sweet, but he’s pushy and worst of all . . . . he kinda picked on my faith.

Him not knowing God would almost be acceptable to me… but him picking on me (really on all of Catholicism and Christianity) for believing in God is a WHOLE other story. He’s a learned man, a police officer. And he’s from Northern Ireland. He’s an Irish cop. Like…. what the heck?! How did he escape having faith in God? I don’t know.

It all just sounds like a bad movie, right? Young woman gets suckered into living with a creepy police officer, things rapidly go south and she ends up dead. This is what I see happening to me, however unlikely it might actually be…. I just get bad vibes.

The offer he’s putting on the table is pretty much a whole apartment (W/D, kitchen, bed, bath) for $850 per month. In Boston, that’s a total steal. It’s really hard to turn down. I’m finding myself all caught up here, unsure of how to proceed with my plans to FINALLY leave my parents’ house.

I need to just walk away and forget about it. Maybe I’ll go for Philadelphia or some other )smaller) East coast city instead.

Like, the Carolinas are nice.. Florida is good. Even Texas is nice (for central USA) . . . and so cheap!

Who knows where this is taking me . . . I just need to compile my portfolio, post it out there for people to see and let things go from there. Let go and let God, right?

Well, that’s what I’m going to have to do here. I’m just going to trust that wherever I end up is where He wants me.

It’s just all too much to think about at once. My girlfriend Aja told me to just take it one step at a time and it feels perfectly right !! To be honest, she’s like my life guide right now. 😂 She helps me so much in this new professional sphere and with personal matters and just about everything else. This girl is my hero, she helps me see that not everything is too much.

Well, that’s about it for now!!

On to my next post!!

Much love,

Aly Mae 💜💜😘