Is it weird . . . ?

Is it weird that I just want my face to be touched, to be caressed, so badly right now?

I know that usually my posts are more about things other than the heart and it’s longings, (or are they… 😏) but right now, since my seizures, I care so much less about anyone else’s opinion of me. I’m happy and comfortable with the woman that I am, and I just couldn’t care less if anyone has anything to say about it.

(Oh yeah, I had a few seizures about a week ago, just as I accepted a new position at a PreSchool in a YMCA in central Pennsylvania, I almost forgot to mention that)

As an adult that deals with a few dozen developing children brains on a week-daily basis, I am brought back to the very basis of mature thought and understanding on a daily basis. This helps my brain to remember the important things in life and what others think of me just really isn’t one of them. What is important is that I feel that what I do, who I am, is good and just and fair. I almost don’t even care what the PreSchoolers and my coworkers think of me.

*Let me take a break right here and say that I really do care what my coworkers think of me. Their approval and cooperation is vital in the success of my career. I would also like to accentuate that I am not being careless about the public’s opinion of me, I’m just confident in the caliber of person I am and my good standing in society.*

Let’s put it like this: I know that God loves me for the goodness and pureness if my heart, I don’t think too much of the need for high opinions of people, even the people that I regularly interact with.

I’m coming out of the last stages of my brain injury and I am realizing that I am whoever I am and nothing can make me different except for myself. I don’t mind the opinions of others, I don’t need approval and I can just continue with how i behave towards others with confidence that who I am is a good and well brought up woman, who is also deeply loved by God. I know that how I live is good. My heart is content with that.

It might be weird that I wish to be caressed, to be loved affectionately, but it is not wrong and it is nothing to be ashamed of.

I hope that all of my readers are doing well in their lives, I hope all of you are as content and at peace with your lives as I find myself right now.

Tout de ma cœur. 💋💋

Out of a ‘Rut’

Good Evening, my dedicated and beloved readers. ❤

Tonight, I want to talk about a few things; I want to talk about love, a subject which I truthfully enjoy conversing about as an utterly hopeless ‘old fashioned’ romantic soul, I want to talk about depression, which I often suffer from, I want to talk about joy through faith and I want to talk about managing time wisely.

These topics seem a little bit mismatched, but they all play a role in my life, and the lives of many other people at various stages of their lives.

The first of these seemingly random topics, my favorite, is love. Love is . . . completely undefinable. Love is the escape of a stressed out young woman into the life of a woman who lived over two hundred years ago. Love is sacrificing your own happiness with the slightest chance that you might please others, or one other person in particular  Love is a blind willingness to follow in the footsteps of a man who lived approximately two thousand years ago, knowing that He will save you from the wretched death that He endured if you just love Him and follow a few of His commands. Love is, as stated, indescribable, beyond words. Love is, therefore, beyond the scope of human imagination. Love is everything. Love is God. ❤

Next, I’d like to say something about depression, and going through it.

Yes, I am that quiet girl who doesn’t talk much, largely because I’m afraid to say what I am thinking, largely because I do not think that my addition to the conversation is worthy of the time it takes me to say it. Yes, that is my form of  depression.

Going through depression feels like you are not good enough to breathe the air that has been Gloriously made, though you know that it was made just for you. I am not poet, so my words are rather lacking for this feeling. But it feels like you are good enough for nobody, even your parents. It feels like all of the encouragement in the world except disapproval and as if instead of someone saying “Good job today, you are wonderful!” people say “What were you thinking today, you idiot?”  This feeling . . . . sucks, for lack of a better word. It hurts to feel inferior to every single person you know, and it really sucks to feel like when God created you, he put nothing valuable to the rest of society in your genetic make up.

Of course, I am not psychiatrist or psychologist, so please do not follow my advice and blame me for leading you down the wrong path. If you are struggling with depression, I honestly believe that in God lies all of the answers.

Seek God, I promise that He loves you. After all, He did create you in your mother’s womb, you are made perfectly in His image. It is often hard fore me to feel that I could ever be ‘perfectly made’ by any means, but I know that He, who made all of beautiful perfect creation, made ME, so I must be pretty valuable for that reason, right?

BUT!! While depression does suck and hurt a lot of the time, the love and joy of spending your time wisely will always prevent you from getting into a situation where depression is an option for your psyche.

Focusing on joy, J.O.Y. , also known as focusing on Jesus, Others, then Yourself is a surefire way to avoid depression. There is no ONE specific Bible verse that works for everyone, all the time in their goal of avoiding depression because everyone who struggles with depression, struggles with depression in a different way.  Focusing on others tends to avoid thinking about yourself too much, therefore avoiding depression.   Others part of joy does come after seeking to please Jesus, but in my heart, they are two bundled into one big lovebunch. I believe that to love and please others is a very large, if not the only, part of Christ’s mission for humanity as a whole. I believe that to please Jesus is equivalent to spreading the word about Him and catering to the needs of others first, before you even think of your own desires.  I speak for myself here when I say this: pleasing Jesus by spreading the good news and bringing others to Him takes thoughts of self-consciousness and self-doubt away from my mindset.  Jesus; love, if you will, is the answer to depression.

Jesus, in all of His Glory, is the best, most effective way to get ‘out of a rut’ of depression. Well, He always works for me.

If you suffer from depression, I encourage you, look at 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8. I hope that this selection of verses helps you overcome your depression.

Until next time, please remember that God loves you

God Bless

~Alexandra Mae ❤